Yathom transformation life and relationship coaching
Be transformed by the renewing of your mind!
What does freedom mean to you?
Freedom can be to financial free, to be happy or content.
You know that you are unique with your own personality and character traits, no one in the world has the same finger print as you. The problem which make you unhappy with yourself is that you are jealous of someone else. You don’t know who you are and that is why you are jealous of a friend, family member or maybe a celebrity or even a rich person.
You have been born with the unique identity, personality and character traits. Not all of us are born to be famous or stinking rich. You are born with a personality to make a difference in this world.
There are four different personality traits and they are link to a career path.
My personality type
(A) Dominance (let’s do it my way)
(B) Influence (let’s do it the fun way)
(C) Steadiness (let’s do it the easy way)
(D) Conscientious (let’s do it the right way)
They like to get this done as quickly as possible. They are motivated by power and want to succeed. They are direct, strong-willed, and forceful (fast-paced and sceptical)
- Business people
- Project managers
This type is sociable, talkative, and lively (fast-paced and accepting) An outgoing, people-oriented individual who loves to interact, socialize and have fun.
- Motivational speakers
- Human recourses
- Personal assistants
This type are private, analytical, and logical (moderate-paced and sceptical. They are reserved, task-oriented and will seek value, consistency and quality information. This person focuses on being correct and accurate.
- Quality control
This type is gentle, accommodating, and soft-hearted (moderate-paced and accepting) A reserved, people-oriented individual who will enjoy relationships, helping or supporting other people and working together as a team.
- Nature lovers
I have a free checklist if you are curious to see which personality type are you fit in.
If you want help to rediscover your identity and became the person you are meant to be and find the reason why you are born, I invite you to work with me 1 – 1 as a transformation life and relationship coach. I have 2 programs to help you. After the programs you will have a clear perspective on life, your identity and the career path you are born to follow. In the programs you will understand how to communicate better with your spouse or dating partner and you will minimize conflict in your relationships.
We have a free 30 min discovery call to see if and how I can help you!
Contact me through my website or email me on: email@example.com
Fear and anxiety
Your body cannot distinguish between the fear of a lion, and the fear of collapsed finances. The term for this fear, is stress. Many people’s thoughts are ruled by fear – the fear of tomorrow, death, bankruptcy, disease, rejection, flying, and more.
Fear is your mind and body’s response to a disturbance in the calm state of your mind. Fear – as the root of stress – is a spiritual force that confuses your mind and poisons your body to make you sick. I often use the example of a tension headache. When under great stress, a headache often spawns from one’s neck muscles. Stress causes a chemical reaction that pulls one’s muscles into spasm.
Stage 1, is the alarm stage – the fight or flight mode. You either want to fight or flee. This level of stress is often experienced when delivering speeches in front of an audience and such.
Stage 2, is long-term stress – when you embrace negative thoughts for long periods. This level of stress is experienced when you constantly live with fear, anger, or bitterness.
Stage 3, is when you have reached exhaustion. Your organs begin to collapse, and your body breaks down, making you feel sick and tired all the time. Heart attacks may occur, as your immune system shuts down, and your body is no longer resistant to disease.
Anxiety is another form of fear. As the body’s reaction to danger, it makes your heart beat faster and your breathing uneven. You break into hot or cold sweat, become dizzy, or nauseous.
Social anxiety – the fear of people’s opinions – is just one of anxiety’s many forms.
The best way to deal with fear and anxiety is to do what you can do and let go of the things you can not do. Some peole are stressing about failure in their lives, but there is no such thing as failure, it is only feedback. So, the thing you are worried about, will maybe never happen.
Triggers in personal growth
A trigger is a reminder of an emotionally painful experience of the past. It is a certain situation or moment that causes you to explode, be heartbroken or grieve stricken.
Triggers are emotional reactions such as jealousy, a feeling of rejection, anger, hurt, bitterness, or sadness. Smells, sounds, tastes, or actual events are also regarded as triggers.
We use the term trigger, because of the emotion awoken inside of you. It happens quickly, without thinking or planning. Something that irritates you is a good example of an emotional trigger. It can be a person or an object you dislike, or simply a reminder of the past. For example, if someone promises to do something, but never does, this may irritate you due to a connection with your childhood.
If you had a father who always made promises but never kept them, a feeling of rejection might lurk in your memory. When the beforementioned person comes to you with an empty promise, the trigger might manifest as anger or irritation.
An emotional trigger is rooted as a survival reaction. If you have been hurt in a previous relationship, no matter how hard you try never to experience it again, a certain behaviour or remark from another person may trigger you to go into flight or fight mode.
To identify emotional triggers, you can make list of things that stir up negative emotions inside of you, such as anger, anxiety, hurt, rejection, sadness, intimidation or frustration.
It is crucial to remember, however, that if a person rouses a trigger inside of you, they might not necessarily do it on purpose. You may just be tired or in a bad mood, but if that same person keeps triggering you, he or she is an emotional trigger.
An example of this is when your boss criticises you on your work, and you act offensively without good reason. The root of your anger may lie somewhere else, like with your father. He might have always criticised you on your homework, and never praised you. You do not automatically think of your father when criticised, hence emotional triggers are so complicated. You may have no idea why you feel a certain way.
Let us look at some examples of emotional triggers. Write down the positive and negative emotions.
- Watch romantic movies.
- To be unconditionally accepted by an important person in your life.
- To give or receive gifts.
- If you think of your husband or wife.
- If you see children playing.
- To hear beautiful music.
- To experience success.
- To think of a personal victory.
- To think of failures.
- To think of a loved one who died.
- To feel rejected.
- The failure to reach an important milestone.
- To be alone in a strange place or place that makes you nervous.
- To be threatened by someone.
- To think of rejection by someone close to you.
- To think about trauma in your past.
- To be criticized or to be teased.
- To be challenged by someone.
- To find out someone betrayed or stabbed you in the back.
- To lose your job.
- To lie to someone.
- Thinking of yourself as a failure.
- To say something to someone which hurt him or her.
- To have made empty promises.
Other trigger examples are:
- If someone rejects you.
- A lover who wants to or threatens to leave you.
- Someone who ignores you.
- Someone close to you who is not available when you need them.
- Someone who gives you a disapproving look.
- Someone who blames or humiliates you for something.
- Someone who is judgmental or critical towards you.
- Someone who is too busy making time for you.
- Someone who not seems to be excited to see you.
- Someone who wants to control you.
You are unknowingly affected by the abovementioned triggers, by acting like the following:
- You get angry.
- You become needy.
- You become a people pleaser.
- You withdraw from people.
- You blame others for your pain.
- You get addicted to drugs, smoking, alcohol, work, pornography, sex, food, shopping, or gambling.
The triggers in you is just a red light that goes on that says “ you still must deal with this issuse” and it is an emotional wound which happens in the past.
Trauma of children in divorced families:
Children experience as much trauma when their parents divorce, as in cases of mishandling, abuse, rejection, etc. Most reasons for divorce are anger, financial fears, adultery, alcohol addiction, abuse, other forms of addiction, or lovelessness.
With all of these reasons, there are usually spiritual roots of the past that are manifesting in a marriage. Either the husband or wife is pushing just the right button to make the other hurt, which harms their marriage, and indirectly spools over to their children.
Divorce brings trauma – more to the children than the parents. Some examples include:
- The child may need to go to a new school and make new friends.
- Children aged 3 – 9 usually blame themselves for causing their parents to divorce.
- Small children start to wet the bed, and can usually no longer do small tasks.
- Older Children tends to be more independent, as they feel abandoned by their parents.
- Boys become rebellious and aggressive.
- Girls get anxious, and withdraw from people. They can be sexually active at an early stage.
- Consequences of divorce in children are usually: bitterness, stress, fear, anxiety, emotional pain, rejection, low self-esteem, and feeling of worthlessness.
These various forms of trauma can then manifest in a person’s life even as an adult. If a spouse pulls an emotional trigger, he or she can experience childhood trauma which can cause a marriage to break up. The child usually becomes a play ball to hurt one another with. He or she are often placed in the centre of a fight and by doing this, the parents send a wrong message. The child begins to see their love as conditional. They also tend to use the same type of conflict resolution in their own marriage one day. Children from a divorced family will likely also end in divorce.
The child might consider it better to be right, than to be loved. He or she is consequently robbed of a loving childhood, and is forced to grow up. Before you as parents think about separating, try to spare your children by locating the root of the problem.
The passive father is at home without being at home. He usually does not care about his family’s affairs, and does not hug and kiss his children as much. A passive father is usually a workaholic. He does not share his hopes, dreams, and hurt with his wife, and does not share a relationship with his children. He might tell them he loves them without really showing it.
Children with a passive father struggle to believe that God is interested in their daily life. He feels far and impersonal to them. These types of children grow up with a spirit of rejection, and might one day become a passive parent themselves.